It's Time to be INTENTIONAL!

Have I mentioned that I love people?  I do, I genuinely love people.  I really love my people. However, at my "season" of life, I have to admit that my circle has become increasingly smaller.  I have to ponder what happens to girlfriends.  I always had lots of friends, lots of really good friends.  And then, honestly, there was a point right after we were married and until my first daughter was born I had few, I mean like one. It's hard to make girlfriends in new cities, new jobs, new seasons of life.  Lately, I have started to really think about that.  Because, lately I have really started to crave genuine girlfriends.  Maybe it's because I need someone to commiserate over carpool lanes and too-busy schedules with.  Maybe it's because I need someone to tell me I'm doing an almost awesome job.  Maybe it's because I just crave someone to laugh with about really stupid things.  Maybe I need inspiration that only a great girlfriend can give.  Can anyone else relate?

For a couple of years after moving to the Metroplex, I had, like, one really good friend.  We bonded over Sex and the City and Starbucks when we were supposed to be talking business.  I knew immediately I liked her, before we even ordered our lattes. What started over coffee 7 years ago blossomed into chats about infertility (me), marriage proposals (her), wedding dress shopping (her), baby showers (both!), vacations, burger nights, birthday parties and so much more.  And I have had others come and go since then and a few stay.  More stay lately.  I have had so many other women say to me  "it's so hard to find friends at this stage" or "I don't even know how to meet women like me".  That sucks.  It really does - as women we want a tribe.  We want to chat and spend time with others.  We want to share - stories, laughs, recipes, shoes, tips.  We need each other.  And here is what I have learned, lately, about this and me.  What if I was more like Ruth?  What if I was more like "you go, I go."?  What if I sacrificed what seemed best for me for what was clearly best for my friend?  What would that look like?  What kind of tribe would I have then?  Intentional.  That's the word ladies.  You want a great friend?  Be intentional about being a great friend.  You want someone who encourages you and pushes you?  Be intentional about being a friend that encourages and pushes.  You want a friend that listens, really listens?  Well, you get the jest.  It's is about intention.  Great relationships don't just happen.  They are fostered, prayed over, nurtured.  They ebb and flow.  They hit highs and lows.  They don't ever quit.  Without further ado, here are my tips to being (and finding) great friends:

1.  Don't be shy.  You see a gal that you want to be like, want to be around?  Ask her out.  I know that sounds cheesy but it's a relationship.  Work at it.  Find the girls you want to spend time with and then ask them to do it!
2.  Be authentic.  All of us can find surface friendships.  Few of us find the girls that push us, hold us us accountable, cheer for us in good, and pray for us in bad.  Sidebar for a story - I have made some really great friends lately.  You know how I know?  One of them texted me today and said "are you working on a blog post?"  She knew I set a goal for myself, she knew I felt called to write, she knew I skipped a week and she called me out.   That, my friends, is a true friend.
3.  Make time.  I said it.  The girl who always said I only had time for work and family.  Also the girl who was absolutely starving for an outlet only close friendships can provide.  Take a look in the bible - was Jesus alone often? Didn't He advise us to surround ourselves with wise counsel?  Make time to spend with the girls who are your tribe.  Go to lunch, go to movies, go to their kids birthday parties.  Just go.  You will regret it if you don't.  There are things you should mark off your to do list, this is NOT one of them.
4.  Know when to drop them like it's hot.  Yep.  I'm just going to sit that right there.  It is OK imperative to not continue to allow toxic people in your life.  Some times toxic people are dressed like really fun, stylish friends.  You know the ones - the one-uppers, the one's that aren't good for you, your marriage, your kids, the ones that love you when you are up and disappear when you are down.  You can love them.  Just love them from afar.
5.  Don't look for friends just like you.  This is probably more for me than anyone else but some of my favorite friends are so different from me.   They come from different backgrounds, they believe different things, have different interests, are in different seasons.  These are the gals you learn from, lean in to them.
6.  Show up.  SHOW UP.  Your girl needs you?  Nothing stops you, nothing.  Show up.  This doesn't have to be life changing stuff either, this can be every day, run of the mill stuff.  Her week busier than normal?  Drop off a meal.  She drowning in everything we drown in everyday?  Pick up her kid for few hours on a Saturday.  She facing confusing times at work, at home, or otherwise?  Have lunch and listen.  Allow her some time to hear herself.
7.  Breathe life into her.  You know Jesus. Does she?  Are you sharing Him?  If she does know Him, are the two of you walking with Him, together?  I am going to be real - I don't always portray Him like I should for my friends.  They know I love Him, they know I pray for them but I don't always point straight to Him first.  Some times I get mad first, some times I want revenge first.  I am working on this one.  I do have a new friend that I suspect is much better at this than me and I am going to learn from her.  She has already shown me how centered He is in her life.
8.  Do not, do not, do not be a mean girl.  Mean girls stop here.  At least for me.  I am SO done with mean girls.  My Momma was right.  My Nana was right.  My Momma Chambers was right.  If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  DO not listen to each other.  Do not allow each other to tear others down.  It starts simple and escalates quickly.  I could easily get on my soapbox, for myself more than anyone else, but I won't.  It's simple, just don't.  JUST DON'T.
9.  Be the friend you want your kids to have.  That's it.  You know what you pray for them - be that.

I am so very blessed for the girlfriends that have been with me for a lifetime, a decade, and some only a month.  I pray for you and me that God positions the friends in my life that He has for me and the same for you.  I pray that He continues to teach me to be the friend my girls need.  And I pray, every day, for my sweet friends.  Thanks for getting me, loving me, challenging me, encouraging me, laughing at and with me, mourning with me, and letting me be me.